So this post is about the love of my life! I just love him so much! Here's the story:
A couple nights ago I was writing in my journal. I love writing in my journal because I just get all of my feelings out and I don't have to worry about being judged, or hurting anyone's feelings by what I write. I also am able to dig deeper into what I'm really feeling and just get down to what I'm really truly feeling. On this particular night I was feeling quite like a "shlump" (that is the exact word that I used in my journal). To explain further, I was feeling like I wasn't getting the best out of myself. And it wasn't anyone's fault but my own. Looking back on my life, I felt as if I hadn't done anything that required pushing myself to my limits, or using extreme self-control.
(disclaimer: being a mom is hard. but I do it because I love my son and would NEVER not be there for him when he needed something. In other words, I do it because I have no other choice. But I do love it)
Now, when thinking that I couldn't do something hard I'm thinking: running (period); dieting; choosing a rigorous course in school; etc. Just looking back in my life I just felt as if I always took the easy way out. While writing in my journal I felt as if I could be better. I could be a better mom. I should play with Trey more and take him for walks, and teach him new things, and help him become who he is supposed to be. I should also be a better wife. I should have meals planned most of the time. I should have Laundry done so that my husband doesn't have to ask for me to wash something he needs (which happens a lot). I should make time for us to be alone together with the purpose of going on a date. Nothing huge, just an actual DATE.
And I also realized that I need to be better for myself. I'm so lazy. The computer SUCKS me in and I just wind up wasting my day away. (I'm actually really embarrassed by telling you this. It makes me look so LAME!) But as I wrote this, I decided that I need to share this with Ben.
When I read what I wrote in my journal to him, I got super emotional and started crying. Ben then comforted me and at first said that this was just Satan trying to make me feel worthless. But I told that I didn't think so. I know that one of the reasons I got emotional was because it was the spirit telling me that I could be better. That is what this life is for: to better ourselves. My husband then proceeded to give me so much love and support, I cried some more.
He is so good, that it make me want to be better myself. We are so perfect for each other. I can't even imagine being with anyone else. He make me laugh, he makes me feel beautiful, he is such an amazing dad, and he encourages me and supports me in everything that I do. I'm so thankful to be his wife. It is one of the biggest blessings in my life.
As I ended my journal entry on trying to better (in quite a few areas) I put this:
Do I have enough in me to do it? I feel like I shouldn't say "I can try" but that I should say "I WILL DO IT"
I hope you can all find areas in your own life to improve. But the best thing we can do is Come unto Christ and be perfected in him :)
Loves <3
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