Change......sometimes not good for me

Yeah change is good sometimes but I think that if it happens right before you have a baby, then it qualifies as not good.

I'm the kind of person who HAS TO HAVE A PLAN! Even just a little plan on what to do Sunday afternoon, and which family we're going visit. Or if Ben and I are going to split up at the store I make a plan for him to meet in a certain area later and if a plan get's messed up, I get just a little annoyed. So I had a plan with this baby. It consisted of Laboring with just Ben and I here at the house. Trey would be at my mom's house with my sister or with my grandma. Everything would go smoothly at the hospital and we would come back to our home with just our little family. And adjust to just being the 4 of us.

On Saturday I learned that plan just got thrown out the window and not by my choice. Our landlords are saying we have to be out by May 1st. And our landlords have been SO great to us, so I really shouldn't complain but seriously this is the worst possible timing EVER!

For financial reasons we had originally thought that IF this ever happened we would just move in with my mom. But my mom is getting her house ready for a missionary to come home AND have a daughter graduate and then adding another 3 (almost 4) people to her household? It's stressing me out just thinking about it.

I guess what is really bothering me, the real reason, is that I hate when other people have quite a bit of control over my life. They say they need the house and I HAVE to leave, I HAVE TO COME UP WITH A NEW PLAN. And that plan involves being needy.  I hate having to be dependent and needy.

And my super husband he is trying to make this easy on me and I love him for that. But let's be honest, Ben doesn't stress about anything (he's admitted this himself). And let's also point out that he still has to work everyday so packing and stressing are my duties.

I have cried every single day for the past 3 days, and probably more to come. I'm not crying because I'm scared of what we're going to do. We have so much loving family around! I know they would never let us starve, or go without a roof over our heads. I cry because my plan was almost perfect and now I have to come up with a new one and I can't have everything that I want.

If this had happened like 4 months ago or 4 months from now, I'd probably be totally fine with it. But for now I'll probably just cry every single day because I have no control over it.